I want to want. I want to want to do what i do. I want to do what i want. I want to do and to want to do more. I want to do and do until i don’t want any more. I want to not want to do anything except for what i do. I want to want to be me. I want to want to want. I want to do what i would want to do. I want to do what i do when i want. I want to do what makes me want. I want to know what i want to do. I want to do what i want to know how to do. I know how to do what i want to do when i know what i want.
“Find what interests you” – CRRRRRAAAAAASH
How do i find what interests me? How do i know? How do i go on if this is such a problem? What does it feel like when something interests me? Do i feel it in my body? Where? Or do i know it with my mind?
I have spent a lot of time this week being lost. I just realised it now. Maybe that’s why i am so tired. Lost in space, lost in improvisation, lost in trying to have images, lost in myself, my will and drive. Lost in connection to others, to another. Lost in the forest, lost in time. Lost in the story of my life. But i am still here and the world around me is still around me. I guess these are the basic things that never change. Is that a good thing?
I don’t know what i learnt this week. I feel a bit lost.