It’s hot in Eilat. Very hot. But Eilat has a natural built in cooling device called the Red Sea. As long as you have the Red Sea within a few meters distance and you can go in as often as you like, life in Eilat can be very pleasant. Important things in Eilat are: a bottle of water, a hat, sunscrean, sunglasses, comfortable sandals or light sheos. Things to leave at home when coming to Eilat are jeans, socks, plans and stress.

Yesterday i finished reeding David Grossmans novel (i will have to return another time to write the title in English…) in hebrew it’s:

שתהיי לי הסכין

I was wondering if i was doing it right, i mean finishing a book. It feels like this event should be marked somehow. you cannot finish reading a book and then just go on with your normal every day activities. But that’s just what i did. And since i was thinking that i am not doing it right, i was trying to reflect about this book, about how it ended, how it fulfilled my expectations or not but every time i tried to reflect about it i found myself again reflecting about myself and my plans and my life but not about the book. Maybe i was just not drawn to reflect about this specific ending and this specific book. Maybe i do better reflecting on other books.

I liked Grossmans writing. And i am very curious about how this book was written. Two people writing letters to each other… did Grossman write one letter after another? And in what order? Did he imagine writing them or receiving them? Are there more letters that weren’t finally included in the novel? Did he visit the places he was writing about? Did  he really take a break from writing when this break was a part of the letter? Yeah… would be nice to know!

It seems like all the internet cafees in Stuttgart smell of cigarettes. So i have to leave. Three more weeks here in Stuttgart and then a short visit to Freiburg and then Israel…

All the emails i send and get, and here and there a postcard, and the book i am reading, and the conversations i have with people, in this or that language or in no language. It all flows somewhere in my head, some drop of correspondence blends in with a conversation that flows down a blue tube and then pours into a pool of group emails, and then something hard, a stick or a straw, something left from last nights reading, a style, an idea, cuts in and moves the fluids in a new direction. I would like all of you to put your hand in every pool and stream, feel the different temperature and the changing tempo of flow. Try the other hand, maybe it feels different.

Celine Dion tells me that her heart will go on. Maybe that should be enough? Maybe asking for sense, continuity is too much? A beating heart is after all nothing to take lightly. My heart is also beating, i am sure. Allthough lately i have been busy feeling my neck, my jaw and all the other movement- preventing muscles that are activated when sitting by a table with plenty of food and very few words. In two days, somewhere near Berlin, with one dear friend and lots of people i dont know, hopefully the melting of the neck and the slow beginning of movement will start. And then i will know that my heart still goes on.

Finally some sunshine… Today the weather is really nice after a few days of unclear warm weather during the days and thunder storms in the evenings. And now i have spent one whole week as an au pair. It feels very strange to enter the world of parents, spending time with two little children in the kids’ swimming pool and thinking about what they will eat, what they will wear, what they can do which doesn’t hurt them or anybody else…

So far it has been going not too bad. The only exception is little Florian who got sick after the last visit to the swimming pool. But today he is already declaring everything to be “Mine! Mine!” so i think he will be ok. And i still have to find a better plan for myself for during the day. Maybe go jogging in the morning? Or go to the city library? Sitting in cafés costs money after all. And this internet caffee smells so bad of cigarettes! I don’t recommend it! It’s the one right across the Strassenbahn station Bad Cannstatt Wilhelmplatz. Don’t go there. Now i have to go out and get some air.